The Little Artist

A Self Portrait

When she walks into a room, I notice that she glances around at the decor and artwork that might be there.  She notices colors and textures and themes in which other kids wouldn't bat an eye.

I buy her paints and markers and paper and craft projects, and she rifles through them so quickly that I have been hiding secret stashes of art supplies around the house to conserve them.  She always finds them.

Lately she has been making books, recently drawing pictures of leaves and trees, then stapling the pieces together in a sort of theme portfolio.

She gets her hands on a camera and will take dozens of photos around the house and garden of things I otherwise wouldn't have noticed.

Yes, I believe we may have a naturally artistic person in our midst.  This is very exciting to me to see so clearly where she may be heading.  It is not always easy to see a child's strengths without projecting some of one's own influence into the situation.  Or sometimes you see great potential but no desire, or perhaps just the opposite.

Of course this may just be a phase, but it sure is fun to watch.

Beano?

I was in my mother's kitchen visiting and catching up, and we had this very typical exchange, which I found humorous.

She said, "Oh by the way, DD (I won't use my real name here) I discovered something that really works well. I think it will help you with your problem."

"My problem? What problem is that?" The suspense was killing me.

"Your gas. Ever since you were little you have always had a problem with gas." She noted.

What? For the record I assure you that I have never complained to her or anyone about a gas problem. "Mom, I don't have gas any worse than the next person!" I retorted.

"Oh, yes you do. you have always been gassy." She was quite convinced of this.

"I may be gassy, but I don't consider it a problem!" Actually I was once quite proud of it. As a kid, it came in handy while wrestling with my brother, for example.

She picked up a big bottle of Beano. "This stuff works great!"

Of course I'd heard of it, but I never really considered taking it. "Mom, I'm sure it does, but I don't have a problem, and I don't want to have to remember to take a pill before I eat."

She told me, "Just keep it right on your table. You'll see it there and remember to take it."

"Oh, mom. I am sure it will make a great conversation starter whenever we have guests...." and on it went from there.

Having Children

AW and I met via the Internet in 1999, ten years ago this month. I'll tell the story of how that came about some other time.

The 1990's had been a very rough decade for me in the "love life" department. After my marriage to Carter's mother shockingly and abruptly ended in 1994, I spent most of my time focused on the new job of "half time single father" which had been unexpectedly thrust upon me. This, too will have to be a story I tell, if at all, at a later date.

What I am getting at, I guess, is that by the time I found the love of my life, I had already been raising a kid for eight years. I had my own house, my own business, and was well into my 30's.

I remember AW asking me, over one of our many candle lit dinners, if I would consider having another child, this time with her. After some contemplation, I told her that it had seemed to me, especially as I got older, that the most meaningful part of my life had been being a father, and that the joys had been indescribable. Why wouldn't I want to experience that again? And with someone with some substance this time?

Yes, I told her, I would consider having another child, but probably not more than one......

And so the chain reaction began.

A Near Miss with a Bird

I made this post on my pilot's blog, but I thought the story worth telling here as well. I fly a small plane, sometimes for hire, sometimes for fun.

Last week I was flying with the family on board over to the North Coast. It was severe clear and smooth, with a hundred miles of visibility. We had climbed to about 8000 feet to clear the coast range mountains, and I was letting out some altitude, still about 25 miles out.

I stole a glance into the passenger cabin, noting that everyone, including my wife, was fast asleep. I brought my gaze back to the front and scanned the area for other aircraft.

I focused my attention on the engine gauges, all looked well. I checked the course, the descent rate, and the altitude. We were at 5500 feet, while the terrain below us was about 2000 feet.

I looked up again, out the front windshield, and saw about 20 targets right in front, closing fast. It was a flock of geese.

There wasn't much I could do. We were doing 170 mph and they were close enough to identify species, so I instinctively hunkered low in my seat.

I had read accounts of birds penetrating windscreens and hitting pilots in the head, causing serious injuries and even incapacitating the pilot or the airplane. I quickly wondered what it might do to the propeller or leading edge of the wing if impacted.

Luckily for me the birds made their evasive maneuver just perfectly, and the flock literally opened a door for me to pass through. They all flashed by us in an instant, and once again the sky in front was clear.

I was surprised. The times when I have been worried about bird strikes have been at much lower altitudes. My home airport is adjacent to a wildlife refuge filled with hundreds of thousands of ducks and geese. I expected my first bird strike would be on a rainy approach into home base, not way up in the clear sky out near the coast.

After my heart returned to it's normal pattern, I shot a look back to the passenger cabin. All still sleeping.

Not much interesting going on today, unless you count the three times I have had poop on my hands. Anyway, here is an exerpt from an entry made last December, just before Daisy was discharged from the hospital. Looks like the prayers were effective.

This photo was taken on the same day as the entry, at Stanford Children's Hospital.

Wednesday is the big day. I will head down tomorrow to drive AW and Daisy home. Daisy is doing much better and has been sleeping in a bed with her mother for the last two nights. Daisy has been smiling and even giggling. She is out of the PICU and we will meet with all her doctors before discharge to discuss her prognosis. AW and I are grappling with the possibility that her lipid storage problem could be progressive and get worse over time. This has been a test of our strength and our love so far, and it is chilling to think that we could be tested further. We are praying and hoping that she will only get better, but we have learned that some forms of this condition, short of a miracle, do not give kids much of a chance. We will just try to be positive and take it day by day. It is not in our hands. Please pray.

Chickens

AW wanted to get some chickens. To me it just sounded messy, that I would be adding one more thing to my to do list. She promised I would not have to lift a finger, that it would be HER project.

Well, it hasn't quite worked out that way, but I haven't minded. She was right. Chickens are probably the easiest to care for, most useful animals on the planet. Instead of throwing away our table scraps, we give them to the chickens. And they convert them to eggs.

Our kids have eggs for breakfast several times a week. The chickens are very low maintenance. If we want to go away for the weekend, I just put a little extra food in the feeder. If they get out of their enclosure, they never go very far, and they always want back in by nightfall.

Last year, while Daisy was in the hospital, a raccoon killed all our birds. We got a bunch of new chicks this past spring and have kept them safe until now.

The kids, and our friend's kids as well, love to go out and play with the chickens. It is a beautiful sight.

Feeling Better

Daisy had a much better day and night, and we are thankful for that.

So a funny thing happened yesterday.

I take Zoe to kindergarten and Teddy to pre-school each morning by pulling them in a bicycle trailer. This makes us quite the oddity in our little town, as it probably would most anywhere in the U.S.

A small percentage of the children take the school bus, and an even smaller percentage walk. The rest of the masses drop their kids off in a carbon-monoxide filled crush of double parked SUVs.

Although I have read the school rules, which state that "no bicycles shall be ridden on campus" or something like that, I have made it a habit to ride the almost deserted campus sidewalk, near the bus drop-off area to the kindergarten area, albeit slowly and carefully. I justified this rule breaking to myself by telling myself it was a silly rule written by people who never rode their bikes, and I was breaking the rule in protest.

The temperature was hovering around freezing yesterday morning, which in California is really cold, so no one else was braving the elements but me. As I rode by the empty, running school bus, my two little ones safely covered in the cocoon of the trailer, out popped a sour faced, grumpy little woman from the open doors.

"You can't ride that thing through here!"

I smiled at her and replied, "I'm riding in protest to that rule." I had been waiting to use that line ;)

She yelled, taking me back a bit, "We'll see what the principal has to say!" And she took off jogging for the office.

I was surprised to say the least, but continued to the classroom and off-loaded my daughter. As I got ready to continue on with Teddy strapped back in place, I saw the principal coming my way.

She is a very nice lady, and I knew she would be reasonable. She explained it was her job to enforce the rules. I told her I was fine with that, but that for the record, I found the rule to be discriminatory towards the few people who were doing something about the congestion and air pollution around the school.

I admit I went off on a bit of a rant about how people who don't ever put a leg over a bicycle find it so easy to lay down rules in the name of safety that don't affect them. She was very patient with me.

Today I rode the bike and trailer in with the cars, choosing to follow the rules while plotting to have them changed to suit my crazy alternative lifestyle. As I pulled up, I glanced over my shoulder and saw that nutty bus driver woman, waiting for me to come down the sidewalk through her territory, so she could go tell on me again.

Two Steps Forward, Half Step Back

I meant to get some great beach and mountain shots this past weekend, but I forgot the camera once again! We made the trip out to the Northern California coast with the group, to a place with very little in the way of civilization. We have a cabin there, overlooking the ocean in a place called Shelter Cove.

The weather was spectacular, and the low sun angles would have made for some great pictures. Oh, well.

So the big story is, while we were there, little Daisy started getting feverish. It seemed to be caused by teething, so we gave her tylenol. When she gets a fever, she becomes lethargic, and we have learned that in that state she can easily aspirate. So not to make the same mistake as last time, we began feeding her through her g-tube.

AW gave her a pre-bed feed around 7:00 PM, and a few minutes later Daisy was gagging and white goo was coming out her nose. Of all the places for this to be happening! There is a fire station with paramedics nearby, and we didn't have so much as a bulb syringe to help her, so I called 911.

This time we were lucky. Once the paramedics arrived, she began to breath much better. An ambulance was dispatched from the nearest hospital in Garberville, about an hour away. She got steadily better as we waited. Thank God, no hospital trip this time.

The rest of the weekend consisted of beach walks and rock climbing, good food, games and book reading. Daisy is still teething. AW is still stressing.

Today she will go in for a check up to be sure her lungs are clean. What we don't need is a case of pneumonia.

Daisy's First Steps

She's been dabbling in the idea for the last couple of weeks, but today she decided to really give it a try! Check out the miracle child. First she wasn't going to live for more than a few days, then we were told she would be severely disabled or perhaps mentally retarded. (Can I say that?) Later we were told she would have serious balance problems and perhaps trouble walking.

I personally thought it would be fantastic if she was to walk by 18 months. But here she is, at 15 1/2 months, getting it done! Great job Daisy! We love you!

My First Lasagna

I made lasagna today for the first time. It turned out beautifully. I added in some fresh basil and made it more healthy with zucchini from our garden. AW was very impressed.





This photo was taken just about one year ago. I had gone to Stanford Hospital for neck surgery, but while there Daisy had become very ill.

The following is an excerpt from a log I was keeping at the time. I wrote this on November 18, 2008.

Last night was a rough one emotionally for me and AW. The scoping of the airway was performed as scheduled. After the procedure the pulmonologist met with us to show us pictures of her airway. Although she did have some narrowing problems, her airway looked pretty good.

About this time, another doctor came in and tried to calmly tell us her airway had collapsed from the stress of the procedure and they were going to have to intubate. This means, if you don't watch ER on TV, forcing a tube into the airway and putting Daisy on a respirator. Meanwhile, a couple of nurses ran by and then rushed back by with supplies in hand. AW just leaned against a counter and cried and I headed for the procedure room as I saw the door was open. The pulmonologist intercepted me.

"Sir, you need to stay out of the way until they finish the intubation"

I said "If there is an emergency going on in there you had better tell me right now!"

"No, no, no. I promise you everything is fine, they just need to get the job done as efficiently as possible."

I backed off, glancing over to AW to see her crying and needing my support. I went to hold her and soon after two doctors and a chaplain came over to let us know the tube was in place and she was stabilizing. I looked around to see many eyes upon us, including my cousin Michael, who had come with his wife to bring us dinner.

I had noticed throughout this time my cell phone was vibrating, and then AW's started ringing. It was our friend who had Zoe and Teddy at their house, so we picked up in case it was an emergency.

As if we hadn't dealt with enough, this is what we heard, "Zoe has fallen and split open her lip. It's not that bad, but I think she may need stitches......"

Daddy Damage

Yesterday I had the kids on some errands and we dropped by AW's office for a hello. Imagine a quiet, serious law office. Everyone is working diligently to get lawsuits filed or whatever they do in there.

In walks Daisy Daddy, complete with stubbly face, food stains on his shirt and entourage in tow and in my arms. Everyone takes a break!

After putting on the "cute kid" show for the office, and exchanging a few hugs and kisses with AW, we set out to the car so we could drop in on Grammy. There was a big grassy hill, covered with fallen leaves, just too tempting not to climb and roll down.

After a good roll in the crisp autumn air, I grabbed Zoe by the wrists and swung her around in circles, much to her delight. Somehow, suddenly and unexpectedly, she twisted her hand in just the right way (or wrong way), and she slipped right out of my clutches.

Off she flew, coming to rest right on her face on the soft grass. Shocked, I quickly scooped her up again, but alas she had split her lip, just a little, and as she tasted the blood she screeched loud enough for the whole office building to hear.

AW cleaned her up inside and we loaded up and continued on our way. I apologized to her several times. She said, "It's okay Daddy, I let go on purpose. I won't do that again!"

Zoe was playing with the video camera this morning, and captured this typical moment. Notice the sound of Teddy screaming in the background.

A Wake Up Call

AW and I snapped back to reality. Here was our 18 year old, sweet college freshman, 500 miles away and at the hospital with a head injury. He had been transported to the emergency room by his dorm friend, and I could tell by the sheepishness from both of them that there was more to the story they were telling than I was hearing.

Carter is at San Diego State (yes, I know, party school) and is rushing a fraternity. I encouraged him to do so, so that he could get really engaged in college life. Cart has always shown himself to be very careful and conscientious. We were well aware of the risky behavior and drinking culture he would encounter, but have remained hopeful that he would not allow his social life to get out of hand.

We are not sure what exactly happened, but we are sure that it had to do with alcohol. I think he has been running himself ragged, with a full load, pledge class commitments, attending parties on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, and just not getting enough sleep. I think he drank hard alcohol, perhaps for the first time, and a lot of it.

I quizzed his buddy Drew on the phone. Carter had blacked out and fallen during an alumni luncheon at the fraternity for which he was volunteering his time. He fell hard on a concrete floor. His friend brought him back to his room to rest, but he slept for the rest of the day, waking up with a really bad headache and blurry vision.

I asked Drew, "Did he drink last night?"

He was very respectful, "Yes, sir. He was at a party, but didn't drink that much."

I asked, "Okay, so how much is not that much?"

He answered, "Not enough to get a hangover. Like, no more than EIGHT SHOTS."

Seriously. That's what he said.

Fortunately, my sister and her family live in the San Diego area. She became our eyes and ears the next day. They picked him up at the hospital and took him back to their house for a couple nights. She talked to the doctor and extensively to Carter, then reported back to me with her observations.

This is scary stuff. I have never felt this out of the loop with one of my kids. I realize that he is 18 and needs to make some mistakes to learn from them, but that doesn't make it any less worrisome. The bottom line will be when his grades come out. We have decided that if he does not make a B average, then he will have one more semester to bring the grades up. If that doesn't happen, he will be coming home and continuing his education at the local community college.

He's back at school and his headache has slowly subsided. We will pray that he can keep it on track.

A Weekend in Nevada City

AW and I haven't been away overnight, just the two of us, in, well, years. I can't remember. We take the parenting thing pretty seriously and something just always gets in the way. For our seventh anniversary, we felt that Daisy was ready.

We didn't want to be very far from home, just in case, so I chose a B&B in Nevada City. It was just over an hour from our home. Early November is the peak of fall colors in the area, and the town is quaint with several good restaurants and some fun shopping.

We dropped all three little ones with some friends (gluttons for punishment,) and hit the road. our first stop was the stables where AW keeps Rhett. We didn't have time to saddle him up, so AW exercised him until he worked up a sweat. See video.

Next we drove on to the nearest multiplex to see a movie together. Believe it or not, we hadn't done THAT in years either. The timing worked out to see the Michael Jackson movie, "This Is It", which I had read was pretty good. Other than Thriller, which came out when I was in high school, I hadn't been a big fan of MJ. We both enjoyed it very much, and I was very impressed with his talent and fitness just prior to his death and felt a sadness at his passing I had not felt before.

Then it was on to Nevada City, where we checked in to the Emma Nevada House, the same place we had stayed some ten years earlier when AW was in law school. Ten years ago we had the nicest room in the place, but this time, due to last minute planning, we stayed in a tiny, cozy loft upstairs. It was just fine. The breakfast was excellent, but the proprietors were just a bit too talkative for my taste.

We had a 3 1/2 hour dinner at Citronee. The service and food were excellent. AW told me some stories from her youth that I hadn't heard before, and we got lost in conversation and red wine in a way that we haven't in (once again) YEARS.

On the walk back to the house, about 11 pm, my cell phone rang. Uh oh. I looked, thinking Daisy, but instead it is Carter, our 18 year old college student. This can't be good.

"Dad, I'm Okay, but I think I have a concussion."

"Where are you?"

"At an emergency room. I fell and hit my head today, and tonight we Googled the symptoms and it said to get to a hospital right away."

"You hit your head?? How?"

A Tribute to Penny

If you followed my other blog, you know that out beloved family dog, Penny, died of lymphoma in September. The kids miss her, but AW and I are not ready to get another dog just yet.

AW had this great idea to make a grave marker for her using a stepping stone kit and decorating it with glass pieces. The kids decorated it themselves. The result, pictured above, turned out quite nice.

She rests underneath a sycamore tree I planted right after we moved in. It is a shady, peaceful spot, not far from the sandbox where the kids often play.

Theodore

Teddy occupies that precarious place between his two sisters. AW and I are acutely aware that it can be a tough place. At 3 1/2, he is right in the middle of a stage which sometimes, for parents, can be no fun at all. He gets very upset if he is not heard, and sometimes it is hard to hear him amid all the chaos. We both try to take a little extra time out now and then to lavish him with extra attention.

As you can see, he is one beautiful boy. He loves the color orange. His impossibly high joys are as intense as his despairingly low disappointments. He is a whole person. We will try not to break that.

I write this today because he, and therefore I, am not having the best day. Perhaps he still has a bit of a bug dragging him down, or perhaps his brain is developing in a way that makes him feel especially insecure for today. He is asleep right now. Sigh.

Daisy's Second Hospital Stay

Daisy got along fairly well for 4 months after her initial hospitalization at birth, but when the cold and flu season of 2008-09 began to hit in October of last year, we began to see just how fragile this little baby was going to be.

The following is taken from a series of entries made in October of last year. Daisy had been admitted to Sutter Memorial Hospital and after getting her stable, underwent quite a bit of testing.

10/08/08

We're still here at the hospital, which gives me more time to blog than usual. I snapped this shot of Daisy and her mother resting. That's a feeding tube in her nose, and it doesn't seem to bother her too much. She has been taking the majority of her nourishment through the mouth, but if she doesn't take the prescribed amount, then we supplement it through the tube. We hope to go home Tuesday.

10/10/08

Today Daisy underwent a test to analyze her suck/swallow reflex. She drank a formula laced with barium as x-rays were taken. Unfortunately we found that she is "silently aspirating" meaning she is getting small amounts of formula in her lungs. This is bad because it can increase the risk of pneumonia. We will be proceeding very carefully with her nourishment. She also had an EEG today, which analyzed brain activity. That test came back normal, as expected. So it's a mixed bag. Her geneticist today said he is becoming more and more confident that this is a single gene mutation which has caused a protein deficiency affecting her muscle tone. If this is the case, then she will likely have minor problems throughout her life, but thankfully nothing she can't overcome. Tomorrow I will fly to get Zoe and Teddy and take them home. Daisy has an MRI scheduled and another blood draw, then we hope to get her home.

Chip Off The Old Block

He used that phrase to identify himself in an essay he wrote for a college application last year. I raised him as a single father for several years before AW came along, so we share a pretty special bond. He's off at college now, is rushing a fraternity and doesn't seem a bit homesick. His dorm couldn't be any more chaotic than this place.

In the post from yesterday, Carter is the little guy in the top photo, and that's my dad in the background. Much has changed. Carter is now 4 inches taller than me, and my dad is suffering from Parkinson's Disease, so he is not standing quite so straight anymore. I love the photo. It is framed and hangs in our upstairs hallway.

Here he is before a dance last year with one of his best friends. Yes, they look great together, but alas, always just friends. Smart kid.

Today is Our Anniversary

Seven years ago today was a beautiful fall day, just like today. The air was crisp and leaves were falling all around us as we beamed before the cameras. We had a church wedding, complete with organ and choir music. It was a magical day for us, and a big step towards building the family of which I had always dreamed.

For AW, it would be her first time (and most likely her last, though life is unpredictable) to be married. For me, it was not. I remember being quite worried that my poor choices at a younger age might taint her big day. There weren't many, but some people did seem to have the attitude that because I had been married and already had an 11 year old son that we should somehow "downplay" our big day. I did my best to insulate AW from this kind of thinking. After all, here was a beautiful young woman, fresh out of law school, gracious and loving, gentle and caring, with a bright future before her, willing to take on the challenges associated with being the stepmom just to spend the rest of her days with me. How could I not do everything possible to make sure she had the perfect day?

AW's love brought me a second chance. She could have taken a different route, but instead she chose me. And now, seven years after making our vows before God and our families, we have built a young family and bonds that quite honestly exceed anything I ever dreamed of. As we move forward and grow older, it is comforting to know that there will be love and connection and humanity in our lives.